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Yerk Vega – “Dice Don’t Roll in Zero-G”
“I once tried to roll dice in the EVA chamber.” “Thought it would add drama. Instead, Cross logged it as ‘an incident involving kinetic debris and fragile pride.’”
“Now every time I try to gamble mid-mission, Harlo just tightens my seat straps and mutes my mic.”
“Still rolled a six.”
Harlo-9 – “Sticker Protocol: Overreach”
Gidjitt once snuck motivational stickers onto Harlo’s gauntlet right before a Vanguard inspection.
He didn’t notice.
Zavala did.
There are still photos circulating of Harlo with “YOU’RE DOING GREAT, CHAMP” glowing on his chestplate while debriefing over tactical losses.
He has not forgiven Gidjitt. She has since added two more stickers.
Vanessa Winterfield – “Threadling PTA”
Vanessa named every single one of her threadlings. Then she made laminated ID cards for them. Then she gave a speech to the fireteam about ‘respecting their growth as sentient fiber.’
Kaniss has started logging threadling casualties as “missing students.” Vega asked if there was a ‘school zone damage penalty.’ Zakk made a little desk for one. It exploded.
Kaniss Romletté – “Arc Hair, Don’t Care”
After an Arc trap malfunction, Kaniss walked out of a ruin with her hair permanently floating like she was underwater.
Zin tried to fix it. The result: lightning curls.
Vanessa started calling her “Zap Queen.” Zakk claimed he invented the look in 2019.
Kaniss now wears her helmet more often, but every time she takes it off, Vega gets singed.
Zakk Romletté – “Void Is Not A Personality”
Zakk once tried to brand himself with the slogan “Void Is Not A Personality… But It Could Be.”
It ended up on mugs.
Kaniss confiscated all seven. Vanessa kept one and filled it with glitter. Zin has refused to speak to him for two days. Vriss is proud, but disappointed.
Zakk? He’s already working on a sequel mug. Working title: “Singularity, But Make It Fashion.”
Ghosts Of Bravo-7
Cross – “Probability Zero”
Cross once calculated the odds of Vega tripping over his own cloak.
It was 0.07%.
Vega tripped anyway.
Cross has since added a disclaimer to all statistical reports: “Subject is chaos-aligned.”
Cross – “Echo Interference”
When asked why he doesn’t speak in a “friendlier tone,” Cross once replied:
“I’m already adjusting for Vega’s charisma deficit.”
He has been banned from giving mission briefings without Gidjitt present.
Gidjitt – “Sticker Protocol 2.0”
After Harlo disabled her first sticker printer, Gidjitt rebuilt it.
Now it’s stealth-enabled. It applies stickers mid-battle.
During one firefight, Harlo found “YOU’RE VALID” on his leg armor. Gidjitt claimed “it boosted his resilience stat.”
Gidjitt – “Emergency Soundboard”
Gidjitt once replaced Harlo’s entire comm output with a soundboard.
For a week, Harlo could only respond with:
“No thoughts, only punching.”
“This is fine.”
A microwave beep
He has since locked her out. She is currently working on version 2.1.
Pipp – “Threadling Tax”
Pipp submitted a formal request to the Vanguard for threadling hazard pay.
She argued that being “chomped, tangled, or sat on by magical string creatures” qualifies her for occupational compensation.
Zavala declined. Saint-14 mailed her a drawing of a threadling instead. She framed it.
Pipp – “Ink Crisis”
Vanessa ran out of pen ink mid-log. Pipp offered a refill. Vanessa grabbed it, scrawled six pages…
In permanent thermochromatic ink.
The entries now change color based on her mood. Pipp is so proud. Vanessa is so confused.
Zinnatrix “Zin” – “Elegance Protocol Breached”
Zin once tried to compose a poem mid-battle. Kaniss triggered five Arc traps before she could finish the second stanza.
Zin now writes poems after combat. Kaniss denies any sabotage. Vanessa framed the last unfinished verse.
Zinnatrix “Zin” – “Spider Census”
Zin has documented every spider construct Kaniss has ever shaped.
There are currently 117 entries. Each one has a name.
Zakk found entry #43: “Webble.” It detonated upon contact. Zin considers this a poetic conclusion.
Vriss – “Snark Overload”
During a comm blackout, Vriss compiled a full roast of the entire fireteam using only five words per person.
Zakk’s was: “Void king, drama queen, same.”
Harlo framed it.
Vriss – “Mug Surveillance”
Vriss has placed tracking tags on every one of Zakk’s novelty mugs.
She once rewired one to display the phrase: “VOIDED BY GHOST.”
Zakk still drinks from it daily.
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